Today I did my Appointed Person’s first aid course. It was terribly thrilling. We watched poorly produced and hilariously acted video clips of people having heart attacks in Marks & Spencers, or alternatively maiming themselves with suspiciously rubbery looking bits of machinery. And we all remained calm and attentive and did ourselves proud, and knocked off an hour and a half early because it was Friday.
We also did quite a lot of palpitating each other (for no real reason I could see), rolling each other across the floor into and out of recovery positions, checking that everyone was breathing by invading their personal space with our cheeks, and wiping down plastic men with antiseptic wipes.
Rest assured that I am now fully prepared for any eventuality. Fully.