Today I did my Appointed Person’s first aid course. It was terribly thrilling. We watched poorly produced and hilariously acted video clips of people having heart attacks in Marks & Spencers, or alternatively maiming themselves with suspiciously rubbery looking bits of machinery. And we all remained calm and attentive and did ourselves proud, and knocked off an hour and a half early because it was Friday.
We also did quite a lot of palpitating each other (for no real reason I could see), rolling each other across the floor into and out of recovery positions, checking that everyone was breathing by invading their personal space with our cheeks, and wiping down plastic men with antiseptic wipes.
Rest assured that I am now fully prepared for any eventuality. Fully.
I wish I spent my day palpitating people.
Sadly I only get to palpate them.
You’re so behind the times. Current legislation advises palpitation over palpation any day of the week. Or at least it should do.
Sadly, no first aid course prepares you for incidents like:
- “Er, I think my lung collapsed again, d’you know where the nearest casualty department is? (Cheers Ruth, nearly gave *me* a medical issue)
- “Cut off the tip of your finger with a broken headlight you say? Just take this bottle of Dettol and in your confused state, mix 50/50 with hot water and dip your finger in!” Worked for me, at least it sterlised it, but I nearly got another injury from hitting the roof from the sudden extra pain
- A friend here is first aider at work. Except he faints at the sight of blood….go figure